A Decade

We are approaching the dawn of a new decade, in a few days it will be 2010. Doesn't it make you feel old when you've seen a whole decade gone by? It feels strange for me because Ive only been on this planet for two decades but the first of these i can not really remember much about. However this first decade of the new millennium is now about to end and i remember it all, which is both reassuring yet also slightly sad.

Although if we want to get technical id call the end of the decade, the last day of 2010.

This year has been a very difficult one, possibly my most challenging year ever; mentally, physically and in every other respect. Next year holds a lot of hope and excitement, yet also intimidation. I shall graduate next year, meaning that i will have my part 1 in architecture, i will then have to find work placement in the industry, a very intimidating prospect indeed. I shall also be having a holiday next year, i haven't had one since 2004, as i wouldn't count last years uni trip as a holiday. It will be my first cruise as well to many cities Ive never visited before, I'm very excited. But one thing that I'm the most excited about may seem silly to many people but i am going to see Lady Gaga in concert! I would only be more ecstatic if i were going to meet her in person.

So hopefully 2010 will be a better year for me than this one, I don't regret this year at all, it was a necessary one to get me to next year, but i wouldn't change it for anything as Ive met some very dear friends indeed this year and I'm very happy to have such amazing people in my life. I'm not sure if he will read this but i have to thank my friend Sam for being so great, and even though we are both a bit fucked up at times we help each other through it. Thanks Sam xxx


Saturn_

What A Wonderful Start

Ive just started back at uni for my third year and yet again the inevetable strikes! Im ill.

Call it freshers flu or whatever you will, the fact remains that apart from the end of the year, this is by far the worst time to catch something. We have new projects, new timetables and we have to get back into our uni routine. This can be unusually stressful, and is now even more so due to the fact that i feel like death reheated on a three bar fire.

I need to be enthusiastic about my work, i should be full of life, raring and ready to go, but im not. Im finding it difficult even speaking without my throat feeling like its had a wire brush rammed down it.

Six degrees of seperation from myself

Staring into those eyes full of life; confidence, mischief, lust and intelligence. Deep dark and sharp, yet no more three-dimensional than the paper they are printed on. A photograph is said to speak a thousand words, but are mere words enough to explain a person? An image can depict more than words ever can, I have a great faith in words, a love of them and their inflections, tones and meanings, but my feelings for images can be summed up about as easily as the images themselves, in short barely scraping the surface.

These people stare out at me from their captured moment, stuck there as a description of themselves, saying nothing but telling me everything. These people are nothing more than a wall of photographs compiled from the simplest of sources. They are singers, artists, actors, models... Ideas. People that i have grown up with, people that have influenced me, inspired me, shaped me. People say that appearance counts for nought, yet how is it that i find each of these images as important as anything else in my life? I see myself in these people, each of these photographs explains an indefinable fragment of my personality captured by someone that i have never met.

Everyone must surely feel this way, as if they are undiscovered by themselves, to not know yourself, to only know that you are a collaboration of hundreds of different people, images and personalities. If appearance does not mean anything then why does our entire culture rely on it? It does mean something, but people underestimate its importance. Your appearance explains you as a person, it is the only part of you that can be seen, the rest is simply actions that define you. How can I show all of these hundreds of different of people that are screaming to be released? I cannot, the judgement of this world has belittled my young confidence, and even though during my teen years i may have been rather outrageous, that brave person has cowered in the corner for years now, slowly trying to push its way out. I have now reached the conflict, I am everything; an indecisive planner, a shy slut, a smart mess, a suited punk, an ambitious layabout, scared and excited, man and woman, confident and paranoid, a liberal conservative, an unthinking intellectual, an emotional mess, Normal.


Saturn_

Crystallization

Do you ever get those moments when everything becomes a lot clearer and your life opens out in front of you and you see it for what it is? I think everyone does dont they?

Ive just realised how completely pointless some things are, all the tings we learn through our lives just so that we can become a functional object in society and fit into our intended purpose, they seem like such shit.

Of course they all have a point, there is a reason why we have pointless crap in our lives; because lots of pointless things add up to one very important thing, like the fact that we will be good at our proffession, which hopefully means we will lead a good quality life. Its just such a shame that people with passion for a subject have to go through so much pain on its behalf. A lot of the time this leads to a loss of that passion, the life can be sucked out of you and you feel like you are becoming a drone. I dont know if you ever get it back, or whether the process of misery is just one of the things that you need to be successful, possibly why most proffessionals can be so cynical or pretentious.

I dont want to be a victim of this but im afraid to say that it is already happening, i just hope i emerge from the other end of the tunnel into the light...

Saturn_

Ireland's Delay

I was quite shocked to find out today that homosexuality was only legallised in Ireland in 2003, extremely far behind the legalisation that was passed in the UK in 1967. I know that Ireland has had a very turbulant history and is extremely influenced by the catholic church, hence the issues on aborti0n. I just find it quite sad in a way that basic human rights have taken so long to be enforced in the country.

Trigger Happy Censor

Im getting pretty pissed off with the increasing amount of censorship in this country. Ok its not as bad as some places but it seems to have gotten worse recently, which is strange because you would think that as our sociey evolves it wold get past such things but no it seems not. Usually the ezcuse is children, oh dear 'what if children see it/hear it!?' well i have an answer to that, people want an easy way out - its an excuse for lazy parents. If they were bringing their children up properly they wouldnt be subjected to adult music or such like. The thing that annoys me is that children are about 15% of the population, what about everyone else that may want to listen to music as it was intended? or videos as they were intended?

On The Hill

I remain enraged today after last nights English Heritage documentary on Park Hill. Those of you who know me know exactly what Park Hill and Sheffield means to me, and i feel that the documentary became just another way of slagging the complex off, and preserving the publics fear of the credit crunch by producing another doom and gloom programme that was full of twanging low music that is always used in depressing 'real' docu-programmes which basically sounds like someone twanging an out of tune guitar in a dirty underpass.

I despair at the politics behind the project, i think the lib dems should be strung up and shot. Yes the English Heritage people did annoy me as they seemed unbelievably snobbish and i do think that Urban Splash are doing their best but what annoys me is the constant questioning of the listing status. Its already been done so stop it, its like saying 'we shouldnt really have gone to war' but its a bit late for it once ten thousand people have been shot.

I still think that this project will be amazing if it gets finished, but i cant get rid of this impression that the stigma attatched to Park Hill has almost become its reason for bieng here, ooh lets have something controversial. its not controversial when it comes down to a question of logic, preservation was the logical thing to do in my opinion.

How many times do people have to be told for fucks sake! The concrete isnt grey!!!!! Its nowhere near grey, its somewhere imbetween beige and honey coloured. The idea behind this building is that the concrete is exposed! Jesus they really should have got someone in that knows about brutalism and that admires it not these annoying fucking people with a rod up their arse that think a crumbling church (which we have billions of in this country) is a supreme example of beauty. Very few people in the documentary had any idea about brutalism if any, except for the architects who went to Marseille to visit the original inspiration for Park Hill; Le Corbusier's Unite d'habilitation which itself has just been restored. They even spoke to the architect who refurbished it, he told them about the ways in which it must be restored, now there was a man who knew the ideas behind brutalism and Le corbusier.

Ill take a deep breath and calm down, but if those lib dem bastards at Sheffield City Council do anything else to piss me off like continue to run Park Hill into the ground or to destroy the Sevenstone redevelopment then you will be sure to hear about it.

Saturn_

Live your life?

It was in The Devil Wears Prada where they said it and it has always been in my mind ever since; 'Let me know when your personal life goes up in smoke, that means its time for a promotion'. It makes me wonder, can you have a perfect balance between work and your personal life? I dont think so, ive not experienced it, one of them will always take priority, its not always a bad thing but cant be very helthy if its constant. Im saying this because ive got that kind of thing happening to me right now, i dont really have a personal life because of the amount of work i have, and i know the work will be worth it in the end, but it makes me sad that i cant have a life until ive left uni.

That Stray

Now this may be a little bit of an odd thing to start with but there is a stray cat that keeps coming to the back door and constantly yelping. now i know it wants food and i do feel sorry for the poor thing but i am not a cat person. My whole family hates cats, now the reason why its back is because one of my friends is a softy towards cats and decided to feed it so now it wont go away, apparently its already been in the house. I dont like having animals in the house it feels dirty, and especially a stray. Now it annoed me so much i decided to throw some bread out of the window, my friend then reminded me that cats just eat meat in which case its going to have to go hungry, as students we can barely afford meat for ourselves let alone the local stray. Am i being a bit harsh possibly? i feel a bit guilty that im not feeding it, but if i was to then it would just keep coming back. Not the biggest of world issues i know but something i wanted to rant about.

Saturn_

In The Beginning...

This is a new venture for me, ok its nothing huge but I do like to communicate with people. This is a place where I shall be venting my thoughts and intrests as well as some of my bile that comes to the surface on a bad day.

Thank you for visiting, I hope you frequent back here, and please do feel free to join in, evertyhing here is open to discussion.

Saturn_