Changing Seasons

It's that time of year again, the air is still warm but it carries with it a cold accent. The change of the season is approaching us, and even though it happens hundreds of times during our lifetime it still feels unusually new.

I love Autumn it is my favourite season, where some of the best natural changes occur and it can be the most beautiful time of year, I think the poem To Autumn by Keats sums it up much better than I can, It represents the most beautiful time of life just before death. It feels this way to me too, Winter is a harsh time, the bringer of great depression. It is also a beautiful time, I love the cold; frozen breath with a hot cup of tea and a white covering of frost across anything the air touches.

Unfortunately for some reason these times are the worst of the year for me, that cool yet mild breeze sweeps across my face and gives me a kick in the stomach like it has so many times before. The slow degrading of the seasons is followed every year by my own mood levels, In short; I fear this time of year. With autumn comes a gruelling time of year, when you are in education autumn represents new beginnings, new years, new challenges and often another new way of life. That is what this autumn brings for me, I have finished my undergraduate course and am now beginning my post graduate course, after making some very difficult decisions and possibly costing myself some friends in this recent storm called life.

Winter then approaches which always instills a sense of desolation within me, which is not welcome but is inevitable. I think it's something that happens to many people during the winter months, almost like Seasonal Affective Disorder where the cold light of winter affects a persons mood. I am hoping that the new changes in my life will help to balance the upcoming seasons with work or new people, but it is no guarantee. We shall see...

Saturn_

A Fork In The Road, With Bent Prongs

Every few years of your life you reach a turning point, either good or bad there is usually some form of change. It happens to us constantly through our childhood as we progress through different levels of education and growing up, all the way through to university when we have become adults, then you begin the rest of your life as you leave university. We go out into the world completely alone and have to rely on ourselves to do what we need to survive, a frightening feeling knowing that you are completely alone from this point on to make what you will of your life.

I am reaching this fork in the road, it looms ahead in the near future almost like a criminal on death row, knowing his inevitable fate. The time to make decisions is now, important potentially life changing decisions, these have all arrived at once like a gigantic ton of bricks being dropped from a great height. When do you know if you've made the right decision? its only a 50/50 chance that it will be right or wrong, yes or no. I have to make decisions about my career and about all aspects of my future, even where i live, all of this couldn't really have come at a worse time when i seem to be very close to rock bottom right now and have far too many things to try and deal with. Is it possible to make good decisions when your mind is in several different places at once? I hope so.


Saturn_

Overactive Mind

I find myself returning to my all too common problem of over-ambitiousness. As usual my mind is veering off at every angle, I find myself wanting to do what i used to do, I miss scriptwriting, filming and acting. I miss creating artwork, writing and I want to make obscure conceptual short films, I want to make music and start writing songs again. Of course it is unfortunate that now i have to inspiration to do this i am now lacking the time to do so. I have now begun the final project of my current degree which is an exciting one, so my brain is currently both hyperactive and comatose with ideas and badly placed chemicals.

Saturn_

A Hidden Double Standard?

Ive been having a conversation with someone on the Internet who made a statement that i felt i just had to challenge. I'm not one of those people who can let something pass by if it causes a little red light in my head.

The man said; 'Why do some of you guys make so much about being gay? For Christ's sake, stop flying a banner about your sexuality, and get on with living your lives.'

Now i know what he means, however i also know that he has no idea what the fuck he is talking about. I am lucky enough not to know many people that have such volatile reactions to things like sexuality, I by no means wish to address all of the issues relating to this, because it would take forever. I would though like to address the statement which this man made.

I replied with; 'Well think of it this way; If you look at a straight man and how much his sexuality influences his life, you will find that is is pretty much 100%, its not really any different if you are gay, it affects your life 100% so there shouldn't be any reason to hide it any more than straight men hide their sexuality.'

I stand by this completely, I don't feel it needs any more explanation, it is simple enough. Is it that this man in particular feels uncomfortable with such things? if so then that is his issue and not for other people to bend around.


Saturn_

No Rest For The Wicked

Twenty Ten, it's here!

Even though we are only about two weeks into the new year, I have been spending the vast majority of my time on a depressingly large amount of work that seems to embody one of those meals that you sometimes get in a restaurant, the one where you keep eating and eating but never seem to make any difference to the amount on the plate. I currently have a nice collection of portfolio work, exam revision, a very large essay and I also must begin to think about applying for next years work placement. This whole bundle of fun needs to be wrapped up neatly in the next two weeks, lucky me.

A brilliant dead load to start the year with, but luckily i know i can do it, i just enjoy complaining about it.

Saturn_